Adjusting to life after surgery

I am now a bit over a month out and I am trying to adjust to some differences. I am energetic have been since the day after surgery. I got my lifeguard certifacation and I am swimming tons. Lost nearly 90 lbs since I started and I am starting to pick up some pride and confidense in myself and how I look. Something I havent had for a long time. But I have always been shy and now I am thinking I want to start talking to girls more and build up my confidense but I am not for sure how. Could anyone (mainly the ladies) tell me how should a previously fat guy act. I dont want to be thinner and healthier but still make the same mistakes as I would of before. I am sure others have dealt with the confidence issue before can you help me out with some advice?

A previously fat guy should act like anyone else.  Like themselves.  You said you were starting to feel better about yourself.  That will show when you start to talk to girls.

I really think you should not worry so much about what you will say and if you are going to screw up.  Keep it real (how cliche I know!)  I think all guys (fat, thin, good looking, dorky etc) worry about what the will say and how they will come across.  I find a guy that does not worry so much to be very attractive.  When I started dating my hubby I was a size 6.  This may sound awful, but I dated guys who were better looking than he is (he is attractive but some of the guys I dated were in a league of their own!) BUT  he had an incredible personality and I fell in love with who he was, not what he looked like.  He is also funny and intelligent (there is only so much stupid I can handle before looks do not matter anymore!)

I do not think girls have an exact picture of what they are looking for in a guy, but I think funny, kind and sensitive are key.  I never knew how incredible it felt to date a guy who insisted a woman walk through the door before him and ALWAYS opened doors and was just a true gentleman until I met my husband.  On our first date, he even asked me if it was ok for him to give me a good night kiss.  I was floored by that gesture.

So stay true to yourself.  It would be horrible to act like someone you are not for a girl.  What happens when you let down your guard and act like yourself? 

I hope my advice is somewhat helpful!

Johanna

hi. I think is great you are so active. that would help you a lot in your new life..
about the dating thing just be yourself. actually girls don´t care to much about looks so don´t be so selfconscious.  so work on that and you`ll do great. and remember that girls  need  space. and feel that they are important. and that`s prety much it. good luck

and keep ut the good work.

Be you...
when we're fat, we compensate with our sense of humor or our ability to listen or our empathy...now you have all of those things in a great package...consider yourself to be what we're (women) looking for. I think feeling good about ourselves has a way of drawing people to us...
relax and have fun......you're a man who understands how most women feel about themselves...you're a rare find!!
xxxbecca

Hello! Congrats on your hard work! I think its awesome to be active! I always feel so tired and I am hoping when I have my surgery to have much more engery than I have today! I deff agree about being yourself when it comes to dating. Many girls just want that.. someone who is true and themselves! I am sure you will be fine! Just take time to love you and work on you and let the rest fall into place

That is great that you are doing so well. The best way to act around girls is to just be yourself and don't worry about trying to impress her. I know that sounds kinda lame but its the truth, girls don't care what you look like, they just want to go out and have a good time. Good luck and what ever girls you meet will be so lucky to have met you I'm sure.

so, I agree with what everyone was saying... i think. But I read the question differently... more like, "How do I jump into a situation I'm uncomfortable with" rather than, "what would girls like me to be?" If I'm way off, feel free to ignore me ;)

I've had a lot of issues with guys and wanting attention but being super awkward at times. Especially when it comes to being touched- even my sn is a joke between my friends in high school cause they said I was "afraid of touch". The longer it went on though, the more awkward that I felt about myself, being touched, etc.... it gave me a complex. Made me nervous. Made me send out all kinds of body language etc that said, "don't touch me!"

The best thing I learned to fight that crap was to make a concerted effort to dispell the lie. I recognized the lie I was believing (I'm untouchable, whatev) and then sought to kinda wade into the touch pool. I made friends with very physically affectionate boys. Slowly, I might add. The support of good friends and family will give you the freedom to "try" things out... I can't tell you how many times I've run to one of my guy pals and been like, "I want to tell him this... tell me what he'll hear." and they translate it into guy-speak. or I'm like, "Which outfit works better if I want to look sexy?" and they'll tell me, honestly. and it was no different when it came to working on my self confidence and touch stuff.

Even if you don't find a bunch of great friends to help with the transition, I say, practice makes perfect. Every baby step you take out of your comfort zone- every random girl you compliment or say hi to or flirt with whatever, even if you're scared, will take you one step farther toward your goal. And they're often reinforced positively- with a smile, a pleasant exchange, a phone number. try try try. And don't let yourself ever believe you aren't worthy of it all.

Last thing I have to say is, Self-confidence/ Being at peace with who you are is about the most attractive thing ever in men. That's my opinion at least.

Ann

Wow,
Thanks for the speedy replies everyone. I really appreciate the comments and advice, I will keep at it. I have been talking to girls when I would of normally avoided them and I am being myself although who that is, is changing a little bit ( more confidence). I guess sometimes I just feel like I am that annoying guy who is obviously trying to hard or desperate. And although I may not be either I do know that I dont want to become that either.

Thanks again